Consumerism 101- An Experts Guide to Trouble in the Marketplace

I wish I could remember where it was, but recently I read a little article about how to make shopping more... wonderful.. this year. The article was advising shoppers to regard their fellow voyagers as friends and neighbors (as in don't tear the truck from their hands, don't bite, don't pull hair??) and to treat the sales people with patience and respect.  As in: don't scowl and make unseemly, inflammatory remarks when she will not get off a personal phone call to come and help you, do not mention incendiary devices above a whisper, smile, treat everyone like family and you will promote a spirit of conviviality and cheer and WA LAA! you too will be a spirit-filled shopper and, yep, you guessed it, we can make the world a better place for you and meeee.  (digression: The only reason Michael ever sang about this stuff is because he never actually had to deal with any of it.  He lived in a castle/paradise/zoo surrounded by a moat and 500 raging bull security people who would bring him whatever he wanted whenever he wanted it.. and his very own self was left to ride the rides with little kids, cover his kids up with veils, shawls and masks, and have someone else buy their Christmas gifts).

Today, it being a dreary day and needing to clean up some pesky details, I decided to make myself a super duper reservation at the spa at Grove Park Inn in Asheville, NC.   Check it out.



The spa has an indoor grotto with a lap pool, a heated salt water pool, and a couple of hot tubs, one of which features a nice waterfall.  Another hot tub outdoors, where you can get your massage if you like, and then steam rooms, a sauna, a soaking tub, and various spa amenities and services: Swedish massage, aromatherapy, River Stone massage, facials, etc etc.

I like to splurge when we go each December during the first weekend for a conference with one of P.'s long standing (22 years plus) clients.

 So, I get Ruth on the phone in the Grove Park Inn Spa.

R:  Are you staying at the Inn?
Me: Yep, back for the 23rd year..
R:  Well, before we can reserve a service for you, I will need your confirmation number.
Me:  Well, I don't have that.  My husband may, but I doubt it.
R:  Well, I will hold while you call him on another line or text him but I will need that.
Me: Why?
R: To make sure you are a guest at the hotel.
Me: Don't you serve people who are not hotel guests?
R: Yes, we do, but now that I know that you are a guest I will need your reservation confirmation.
Me:  I don't have that. Let's just pretend I am not a guest.
R: But you already told me you are. Can't you just ask your husband
M:  Well, he is not standing here next to me.  He works during the day, and allows me to make plans and reservations without his comforting presence.  I have been doing it for years all by myself...(growing a bit testy here...) Can't you just look us up to see that the Academy is coming this weekend with several hundred guests and that we are on the list and registered?
R:  Oh, yes.  I see you here!  But we will need your confirmation number. Can't you just call your husband?  We are not allowed to divulge the names on the registration list because sometimes we have very famous people here who want to have their identity protected.
Me:  WE ARE NOT FAMOUS. YOU ALREADY KNOW WHO I AM BECAUSE I TOLD YOU. YOU SEE MY NAME THERE. I HAVE BEEN DOING THIS FOR 23 YEARS. AND I AM STILL NOT FAMOUS.
R: I am only doing what I have been told to do. Maybe you could call your husband. ....

Me:  ring ring ring ring (deep sigh, heavy exhalations, etc)  Hey, can you give me the confirmation number for Grove Park Inn?
P:  I don't have it.  The Academy makes the reservations for me every year.  I am on the master list.
Me:  (other ear).  Ruth, he didn't make the reservation. He doesn't have a number.
R: Oh, you mean he didn't make his own reservation. Oh, ok.  I didn't KNOW that.   I see your name here, and your address. I guess I can just treat you like you are not a hotel guest...
Me: But I am a hotel guest. You see my name.
R: Well, we can make an exception, I suppose.

Eh?  Why should it be hard to make a reservation for an expensive massage? 

Go figure.  Where did I go wrong?  Where is the love?

I told her, at the end of the convo, thank you for making me feel so special and welcomed at the Grove Park Inn.  Aannnnd, what is your name?

 She will get a little cheer from me later.  I have my ways.